SoulMoxie

The Open Road

Jess is in between jobs right now so we decided to enjoy this brief stint of unemployment and hit the open road.  Jess spent the weekend packing and I spent the weekend watching him... and yelling "Don't touch my stuff" and "I can pack it myself".  If Jess has ever thought that I resemble a 5 year old, I'm sure this was cemented the second we pulled into our camping spot and I asked "You have my sleeping bag, right?" "Where is my tent?" and "Why don't we ever bring my stove?" I'm surprised Jess didn't make me sleep in the back of the truck with the dogs.

We left bright and early Monday morning (that's 9:00 am to me) and drove down to Hovenweep National Monument. Hovenweep is a collection of Ancient Puebloan dwellings in Southern Utah. It is a magical place that was only intensified by the lack of people. Jess and I went for an 8 mile trail run yesterday morning and didn't see a single person.

 

We loved having the ruins to ourselves...a little too much. In fact, it wasn't until we got back to our campsite that we realized that the chain fence had been surrounding the ruins for a reason. To keep people like us out and away from them. Whoops.

 

We then headed to the Four Corners monument, the only place in the U.S. where 4 states touch borders in one place: Colorado, Utah, New Mexico, and Arizona.  Jess hadn't planned this stop in our trip. He knows I live for this kind of thing so my only conclusion is that he hates me, or he was afraid of what I would do once there.

 

We spent the rest of the afternoon running around Mesa Verde National Park, the home of Ancestral Puebloan cliff dwellers. They climbed down huge rock faces to get in and out of their homes everyday. Wow. It's a good thing they didn't have wine.

 

We are in Durango right now waiting off the 10,000 caloried Mexican dinner we inhaled last night. 

Until next time...

The Short Answer Will Have To Suffice

I have been wanting to spill the beans about why I was on blog hiatus for so long. I expected that once I began writing again all of the pertinent information would flow freely through my fingers to your computer screens and WHAMMO! Problem solved.  That has not been the case. I have spent so many hours in front of my computer typing, deleting, typing, deleting, thinking, biting my nails, pulling my hair and you know what? It's just not happening. And I'm not going to force it. You're going to have to trust me on this one.

What I will say is that the past 5 months have taught me an enormous respect for life. More respect than I can articulate in words at this moment - tell me that you've experienced this, too?  That there are times in your life when as much as you try, words don't seem to do your emotions, or experiences justice?

I'm not the first person to go through what I've gone through. I'm just not ready to write about them and didn't know how to write about them at the time. I wrote in depth about our friend Drew, who took his life in late September.

Below on the left is my friend Kimberly Marvin, who was tragically shot and killed by her on and off again boyfriend in January

Below is my beloved Uncle Tom - The Uncle I went to Vegas with here. He died Unexpectedly at the beginning of February. I miss him terribly.

 

I also had a tenant commit suicide during this time. I just couldn't bring myself to post. I am sorry. It feels good to be back.

Rooting For The Underdog

It seemed everytime I turned around this weekend, I would hear something that would make me emotional. Red in the face, goosebumps down arms, little laugh cries, and big elephant tears rolling down my face. Seriously. It was ridiculous.

The first one was the whole Susan Boyle thing from Britain's Got Talent. People told me about it and I was all blah, blah, blah. That was before I watched this.

The second story I heard while on a run. Lots of crying going on during runs lately. I can think of few stories that have touched me more than this one. It makes me want to pack up some clothes, drive down there and give every single person a hug.

They All Can't Be Great Until They Are (A Continuation)

For the beginning of this story, click here.

I couldn't quite bring myself to physically walk up to a volunteer and talk about my options; they would think I was a wimp, or a hypochondriac. I was none of these things. I was a runner. Lots of runners run through sickness. Lots of runners run through snowstorms, and sleet and hail. I just didn't know if I wanted to be like "lots of runners".  I was battling over my dilemma all the way up until the gun sounded and we all started shuffling through the start line. Dammit. I guess I was running.

The first mile of any run is a hard one - my body hasn't quite found it's rhythm yet, but by mile 2 and 3 when my body hadn't found it's rhythm, simply refused to find a rhythm, all I wanted to do was pull over and cry. My body vacillated between nausea and dizziness.

Mile 5 was loonnngggg. I just kept thinking that had I opted out of the half marathon and chosen the 5 mile run (like any rational human being) I would be done. Sitting on the grass enjoying a Gatorade instead of dreading another 8.1 miles. 

Everything finally came together at mile 7. My "goo" from mile 6 had taken effect and given me a burst of energy. My body finally was in a rhythm and "Lose Yourself" by Eminem was cranking on my ipod. Life was great. Mile 7 was what I love about running. Where you can't help but smile because everything is right in the world.

Unfortunately, my high was short-lived. The "goo" that had given me a wonderful mile was now retching my stomach into pieces.  A few minutes past mile 8, I barely made it off the road into the bushes to hurl a combination of goo, Gatorade, water, and banana. Cripes, this was ugly. 

I came back onto the road with tears in my eyes. There was still 5 miles to go. The distance that I could've run in the first place. The distance I should've run in the first place. I was done. Exhausted. Broken. The problem is you can't quit after 8 miles. You just can't. At least, I can't. I asked about 10 people for a piece of gum - no dice. I realized I was going to have to make peace with the horrid taste in my mouth. You can do just about anything for 5 miles, I decided.

The remaining 5 miles of the race are extremely blurry. I hunkered down, zoned out and ran. I tried not to think about the taste in my mouth. I tried to focus only on my breath and the movement of my body. No words can express the emotion I felt when the finish line came into sight. The finish line is always an emotional place, but this day it took on a whole new meaning. It brought back a rush of memories - memories of my first marathon, memories of my college graduation, memories of climbing a 18,500 foot high peak in Nepal, memories of starting my own business...all of these memories rushed through me and overwhelmed me. In the midst of every one of these things, I had been unsure of myself. I wanted to quit. to walk away because it was "too hard". That finish line represented all of the "middles" in my life that had sucked, but I had persevered through to an end. That finish line, in a small way, represented everything hard in my life that I've accomplished. Perhaps that is why I continued to run that day...to remind myself that anything is possible if I set my mind to it. The one thing I do know is that I am continually amazed at what I can do when I ask it of myself.

It Made The Whole Thing Totally Worth It

With our Anniversary being on Sunday, I have been thinking a lot about our wedding and all the surrounding chaos and bliss. For those of you who don't know, Jess and I decided to elope...well that wasn't happening...so we decided to elope with 40 close friends and family members to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. We chose an all-inclusive resort because HELLO they have all-you-can-drink and all-you-can-eat everything and if you've ever been with me to a buffet or a bar, you'd be all that girl doesn't just have a hollow leg, she's got a hollow liver as well. Unfortunately, with all-you-can-eat and all-you-can-drink everything, there comes some side effects. This man wasn't part of our wedding group, but heavens, I wish he had been.

One Down, God Knows How Many To Go

Happy Easter to you and yours! It has been a wonderful day here in SoulMoxie's world....Jess and I are celebrating 365 days of wedded bliss...we both agree it's amazing that we both have all of our appendages attached. Especially considering that one incident where I threw all of his clothes out of the second story window. There is no doubt in either of our minds had he been 20 lbs. lighter, I would not be free to be writing this today.